Aug 12, 2023 3 min read Coaching

A Handy Acronym to Help Kids Stay Cool

Feelin' Hot, Hot, H.O.T.? Here's a tool to cool big feels (for all ages!).

You might have heard the acronym H.A.L.T. or "hungry, angry, lonely, tired." This shortcut helps us identify and remember physical and emotional factors that can get us in a funk.

Naming feeling states (emotional and physical) has been shown to calm down the stress centers of the brain and promote calm. So you and your child are already on the road to feeling better just by identifying what's gone sideways. This is also known as Name It to Tame It.

While H.A.L.T. is helpful, I've created a different acronym to use with kids and teens:

H.O.T.

H: hungry

O: overwhelmed

T: tired

Although short and sweet, this acronym captures many of the reasons kids get reactive. H.O.T. doesn't specifically name anger, but being hungry, overwhelmed, or tired (or all three!) is often what takes another emotion (like jealousy or guilt) and channels it into fuming 🌋.

Speaking of volcanos, it's also helpful that the acronym itself describes an uncomfortable physical state (overheated) and an emotional one (mad, crabby, aggressive). The Mood Meter puts upregulated behavior in the red (hot!) quadrant. Upregulated = high energy, high emotional unpleasantness (e.g., frustrated, stressed). So this makes it even easier to remember.

H.O.T. Plan

It's most helpful to teach your child or teen this acronym when they are not H.O.T. so that they can absorb it.

With a younger child you can say:

"Feeling hungry, overwhelmed, or tired can make us get upset more easily - just because we're uncomfortable. Next time you seem upset, would it be okay if I asked you if you're feeling hungry, overwhelmed, or tired? This can help remind you to check in with yourself and see what's bothering you. Once you know, I can help. I'm going to try doing the same thing for myself. If I'm getting upset, I'm going to ask myself those same questions.

With an older child or teen you can say:

I learned an acronym that helps with feeling crabby - it's H.O.T. "H" for hunger, "O" for overwhelm, "T" for tired. It's helping me realize that working through lunch is backfiring. I bet you feel all three of these after a day at school.

With teens, sometimes it's better to do the role model thing rather than ask them directly about the skill you want them to practice. You might say something like:

"I've had a really overwhelming day. I think I'm going to opt out of the movie tonight and have some quiet time."

With an exchange like this, you're demonstrating how to name feeling states and respond to them.

Cope ahead

Another helpful practice in emotion management is to "cope ahead" or plan for a H.O.T. moment. Address each one of the three feeling states: hungry, overwhelmed, tired. Your child can have a plan for each. When I'm hungry I go to my basket in the cabinet. When I'm overwhelmed, I go to my peaceful spot. When I'm tired, I lay down and rest.

For an older child/teen, just knowing what they're feeling can help them better respond to it. It gives them an explanation and a way to troubleshoot (respond rather than *react*).

As a final note, with a young child, you'll probably need to explain what feeling overwhelmed means.

You can say:

Sometimes too many things are happening and it makes us feel upset. Do you ever feel like that? Where do you feel it in your body? Is it your tummy? Your head? Would it be okay if, when you are upset, I ask if you're feeling overwhelmed? What are some calming things we can do when we feel that way?