Glossary

An immediate short stressor like when your child spills a huge, full drink at a restaurant. Acute stress is the least damaging kind of stress and the most common. Some acute stress can be intense, like having an infant with a high fever. Also see "chronic stress," "episodic acute stress," and "traumatic stress."

Based on Build Positive Emotions in DBT. Stress is often cumulative: it piles up until even small things feel big. We can balance the weight of that feeling by adding in daily positive moments. Even a few minutes can make a difference to our mood, energy level, patience, and outlook.

A sense of agency is the "I got this..." feeling, "I can handle it." It's the opposite of feeling helpless. When we have a sense of agency, we believe our choices have impact, that we can overcome. Basically, it feels like we're in the driver's seat of our own life. For kids and teens, having more skills, strategies, experience, and support helps them build their sense of agency. Higher levels of agency are associated with better mental health.

Agency: The ability to make choices about and take an active role in one's life path, rather than solely being the product of one's circumstances. Harvard University

A small structure in the brain's limbic system that serves as Emotion Headquarters. The amygdala is mainly known for it's role in communicating fear and anxiety (fight/flight), but it also regulates emotion around learning, parenting/caregiving, and social communication.

A normal part of being human and a natural response to stress. Anxiety is emotional (fear, dread, nerves) and physical (butterflies, dizziness, sweaty palms). It's mostly future-focused. Worry is the "thought part" of anxiety. Anxiety is being looked at in new ways, as a useful emotion that can steer us toward problem-solving instead of overthinking and overwhelm.

Staying away from certain situations, environments, people, or things because (A) We expect those things to be negative or difficult and/or (B) We expect those things to make us feel badly (anxious, fearful, overwhelmed).

Working with the body (rather than mind) to release stress. Examples: yoga, box breathing, sensory practices (aromatherapy👃, listening to relaxing music👂), weighted blankets, massage, going on a walk.

A concept from Dan Siegel. The brain is like a house. The supercomputer ("thinking brain/prefrontal cortex") is upstairs, and the house alarm system ("protective brain/limbic system") is downstairs. This can be a helpful way to teach fight-flight-freeze and rest-digest to younger children. For older kids + teens, the ITS "respond or react" model might fit better.

The power or ability to do something. Feeling capable is at the root of confidence, self-empowerment, and motivation. Capability is a belief in the skills, strategies, and resources we bring to specific situations. We can feel capable at school, but not so capable in social settings. Not feeling capable can result in feelings of helplessness, depression, anxiety, self-doubt, procrastination, and stress. Agency is a more general feeling of confidence ("I got this. I can make a difference.") Capability is one of three pillars of resilience In the Seeds. It is similar to self-efficacy.

When we jump to the worst conclusion possible: "What is that rattling sound on the plane? I bet it's engine trouble." Catastrophizing is an unproductive coping strategy, an attempt to protect ourselves from unpleasant emotions like uncertainty. If I expect the worst, then it won't be so upsetting when I find out it's true. But, catastrophizing makes us feel worse than the unpleasant emotion we're avoiding. We also catastrophize to motivate ourselves, "If I don't make an A in this class, I'll never get into college, and I'll probably live in a box..." This type of motivation is short-lived and stressful.

The ongoing feeling of being under pressure and overwhelmed with little to no relief. This is the most damaging form of stress because it undermines health and wellbeing. For a child, chronic stress could be living with financial distress, abuse or neglect, witnessing regular arguments, or living in an unsafe area. Two other types of stress: see "acute stress" and "chronic acute stress."

Lots of reinforcing is needed to get coping skills to stick. Circle back after any "seed" has been planted to check on it. For instance, if you introduced your child to the H.O.T. acronym, circle back the next day and use the acronym in a day-to-day situation. If your child mentions being fearful, circle back at a safe moment and talk about it further. Circling back means keeping a growth opportunity "on our radar" and remembering to return to it (sometimes again and again - and again!) until learning takes root.

Making a plan to prepare for a future stressor. For instance, if you know you're going to see someone who upsets you, you can think ahead of what to say to this person or how to minimize contact. Cope ahead is part of DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). For a child or teen, "cope ahead" can be a game changer. Cope ahead tips for back-to-school anxiety.

The role of support between one person and another that helps regulate the nervous system. Babies need the highest level of co-regulation. As we grow older and more capable, we increasingly co-regulate on our own (but never fully on our own). Even adults "regulate" off others, which is why someone's bad day can impact our own mood and emotions (See "Doomroll").

When someone rolls past your boundaries, wishes, body language or other stop signs because they absolutely MUST share [insert yet more bad news] or [particularly terrible news stories].

Shifting the nervous system from fight-flight to rest & digest. The parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS) guides this process. We can downregulate through mind or body-based strategies. Upregulation (fight/flight) takes less than a second, but downregulation takes the body about 20 minutes. When we're aren't upregulated, adding small positive moments (calm, joy, humor) help our nervous system not be so reactive.

The inability to manage strong emotions or calm the nervous system. Emotions are often impulsive and seem like an overreaction to the situation. Childhood tantrums aren't considered dysregulation, but instead, difficulty with self-regulating. Dysregulation relates more to mental health concerns in teens and adults who are struggling with unpredictable, uncontrollable emotions.